The Hole

Lee and Reid have never fought, in fact they have always taken up for one another. So, to say that I was stunned and totally speechless about what happened last week is an understatement.


It all started over a baseball cap; a nasty, stinky ball cap. Never mind that Lee, Reid and David all wear one another’s shirts, shoes, socks and jackets. Someone is always looking for some article of clothing that someone has worn and is now dirty or has been worn and left at some forgotten location.

The cap is Lee’s but, he hadn’t worn it in weeks. Reid found it, ran it through the dishwasher and started wearing it. Naturally, that meant that Lee “had been looking for it.” The altercation on Monday afternoon was two brothers arguing. Tuesday morning - Lee started looking for the hat. Reid had put in on the chair in the computer room without telling Lee. Lee, not knowing that Reid had given up the hat, goes upstairs to get it. Before Reid could tell Lee where the hat was, words were exchanged. Then, more words were exchanged. Bad words were exchanged. Raised voices turned to shouting and yelling. Let me just say; two angry alpha males in one house ain’t pretty.

I decided to stay out of it. My reasoning - they were old enough the work it out themselves. At least I thought they were. I sorely misjudged the depth of their anger. When I walked into the foyer, Lee was yelling at Reid to come downstairs and he would kick his butt (that part has been edited). Reid was at the top of the stairs yelling he wasn’t stupid and he wasn’t going to give in to Lee’s bullying. I’ll say that was one of the few smart decisions he has made in a while since Lee is about six inches taller and 60 pounds heavier than Reid. Before I could say anything to either of them, Lee drew back and punched the wall. I was even more stunned than before. I just looked at him and before I could utter a word, he said, “I’ll fix it.” The only thing I could think of to say was; “You think?”

I worried all day. They had said some nasty and hurtful things to one another. I called to check on both of them at different times. Each one said they were ok. But, being the worrier I am, I didn’t really believe either of them. It’s been said; “the heaviest thing to carry is a grudge” and I was certain that the angry interaction between Lee and Reid would have long lasting implications on their relationship. So, imagine my surprise, when at 4 o’clock, I learned that Reid and Lee are hanging out together. Really? Hours earlier the atmosphere had been “an eye for an eye” rather than “turn the other cheek.”

I asked Reid about it when he got home that night. He looked at me, smiled and said; “Mom, it’s a guy thing; we don’t hold grudges.” I’m pretty sure that I looked at him like he had two heads; those words came from the same person who, 12 hours earlier, was so mad that he was visibly shaking.

I watched as the words of Mahatma Gandhi came to life last Tuesday; “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Lee and Reid had more strength than I gave them credit for having. I’m glad I didn’t interfere because doing so would have deprived them of the opportunity to experience the freedom of forgiveness. It serves us well to quickly let go of past hurts so we are more available to experience the joy of the present.

Copyright © 2011 Judith Bell

A Thing Called Love

Philosophers, theologians, poets, authors and playwrights have tried to put a definition to the thing we call love. With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, women across the United States are hoping that the man in their lives will remember the roses and chocolates. Approximately 189 million stems of roses, most of them red and over 1.1 billion boxed chocolates weighing 58 million pounds will be purchased on Cupid’s favorite day.

What is this thing that we call love? The musical group Queen sang about love.

This thing called love I just can't handle it

This thing called love I must get round to it

I ain’t ready

Crazy little thing called love

Webster defined love as: (1) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) attraction based on affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests (3) unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. Webster’s definition is just that, a definition. Though well articulated, Webster’s definition doesn’t capture the essence of love or its importance to the human race.

Martin Luther King, Jr. defined love as, “…the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.” Rabindranath Tagore said, “Love is not a mere sentiment. Love is the ultimate truth at the heart of creation.” Elizabeth Barrett Browning penned these words about love; “I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are asking of me. I love you for that part of me you bring out.”  Love is nebulous and perhaps it is only meant to be accepted and not understood.

Earlier this week I received the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=nxWZ6IgqRfY

I believe, after you listen to the words of thirteen- year- old Logan, there will be little doubt as to what true love is. Click now, sit back and wait to be wowed.  A thirteen-year-old Nebraska boy defined love for us. Quite simply, God is love.

Copyright © 2011 Judith Bell

Punxsutawney Phil

Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow and has all of us looking for signs of an early spring. Not to bust any bubbles, but according to the Stormfax Weather Almanac and a review of the records since 1887 Phil is only 39% accurate. Not such a great record, but there are a couple of interesting lessons to be learned from Phil.

It’s no wonder because the way the whole ground hog shadow works is this: Phil is a kept groundhog. His handlers, known as the “Inner Circle,” remove Phil from his cage in the Gobbler’s Knob library. Phil is given the opportunity to see or not see his shadow and then tells his handler, in a secret language, whether or not he has seen his shadow; after which the handler makes the announcement about the coming of spring. One last bit of lore is that there is one, and only one, Punxsutawney Phil. That means that Phil is 125 years, give or take a couple of years. Phil’s life is extended because he is fed an “elixir of life” that extends his life another seven years. Phil is one lucky groundhog!

The downside of the whole groundhog brouhaha is that in order to see a shadow you have to be looking down. Plus, living life in the shadows doesn’t create a particularly hopeful perspective. Helen Keller once said; “Keep your face to the sunshine and you will not see the shadows.”

Lesson #1: God doesn’t live in the shadows. Psalm 27 reminds us that God is hope for today and tomorrow and our confidence can be found in the light of his love. “The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear?”

Lesson #2: There is no fountain of youth or magic life extending elixir. The only elixir of life is the living water of Christ. Remember the story of the woman at the well (John 4:1-26)? Jesus tells the woman; “…but whoever drinks of the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in a him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Lesson #3: You can’t predict when spring will come. The only thing we can be assured of is the everlasting love of God and his assurance that there is a spring.

I don’t have much faith in Punxsutawney Phil’s prediction of an early spring; but I do have faith that God will be there when spring decides to show up.

Copyright © 2011 Judith Bell

I Believe

I’ve been told my whole life I am “opinionated.” I believe that I was born that way. I spent most of my childhood pushing the boundaries and making sure that what I had to say was heard. I stayed in trouble with my dad because I always had to have the last word. I can’t tell you how many nights my mother kicked my shins under the table trying to get me to keep my mouth shut. I don’t take offense to being labeled “opinionated,” but I have to admit that it carries a somewhat negative connotation. Though there are times when “opinionated” probably applies, I prefer to consider myself as someone willing to say what needs to be said. Sometimes it works out and then there are the times that I end up with my foot in my mouth. I’m still a work in progress.


I have strong opinions about many issues. Believe it or not, there are some opinions that I keep to myself but there are others that I willingly share. One of my strongest and deeply held beliefs is that we have a choice in how we live the life that we have been given. We can choose to live in the light and presence of God, manifesting His love for us wherever we go and whatever we do and take the risks, or we can choose to hide in the shadow of doubt and fear, never risking to venture into the journeys life has to offer. I believe that the only answer is to take the risks.

I believe a lot of things and I know that others have the ability to express those beliefs far more articulately than I. Consider the following “I Believe” statements:

I Believe…

That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words; it may be the last time you see them.
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
That we are responsible for what we do; no matter how we feel.
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and still have the best time.
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
That no matter how bad your heart is broken; the world doesn't stop for your grief.
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything they have.

                                                                                                                                              (Source: Inspirational Email)

I believe that you should find a friend and begin a series of thoughtful conversations around some of the “I Believe” statements. I have and though I have enjoyed the quality and depth of the conversations, I have also enjoyed rediscovering that what I believe not only ads value to who I am, but why I am. I believe in myself,

Copyright © 2011 Judith Bell

Resolving Resolutions

Everyone is talking about them. Yahoo, MSN and Bing wrote about them. Local newscasters ran a story about them. Most people considered them. I don’t like them.

People have started the New Year by making resolutions. The root word of “resolution” is “resolve” which webster.com defines as; “to deal with successfully; to find an answer to; to make clear or understandable.” How is it that we believe that on January 1st of each year that the problems, issues or behaviors that have plagued us for years can all of a sudden be resolved by making a resolution? Interesting. However, interesting as that may be it is even more interesting, at least to me, that “resolution” is defined as “the act of analyzing a complex notion into simpler ones.” Now, there’s a thought…before determining to resolve something perhaps some analysis is called for.

I stopped making New Year’s resolutions years ago. I was one of those people that set unrealistic goals in January, thought about them in February and forgot about them by March. Resolutions didn’t work for me. Instead, for the last couple of years, I have chosen to use the first two weeks in January to spend some time reflecting on the last year, analyzing if you prefer, the events – both the good and the bad – that were significant and meaningful and write a “life lesson” about what I learned as a result of the experience. I still have a week to go, but I thought I’d share a few of my life lessons from 2010.

1. There really is opportunity in everything if I take the time to slow down and appreciate the experience.
2. Life is much easier lived with a “get over it” attitude.
3. Receiving graciously isn’t selfish. Gracious receiving is an act of believing in the giver, appreciating the moment and fully
    enjoying what is given.
4. Asking for help won’t kill me.
5. It is impossible to stay mad at someone if I laugh.
6. Even when I don’t get what I want, I get something.
7. Sometimes a little is a lot.
8. There is always a story waiting to unfold. My job isn’t to write the ending; my job is to enjoy the story.
9. The GPS lady makes mistakes and MapQuest isn’t always right. Knowing where I am going makes for a shorter trip. Updating  
    my route is always a good thing.
10. My plan, as good as it may be, isn’t always the only plan before me.
11. Every choice has a consequence.
12. There is a good reason and a real reason for everything I do.
13. If I don’t want to get stung, it is best not to whack the hornet’s nest.
14. There are benefits of letting go of the things I don’t want to let go of.

At the end of the second week I’ll pick the ten most meaningful life lessons, print them on business cards and keep them on my computer desk to remind me throughout the year that a lesson has already been learned. I’ve already been there and learned from it. I recently ran across the following quote. “It doesn’t matter where you have been; it only matters where you are going”. (Brian Tracy)

I don’t believe that. It does matter where you have been. It is an experience that has influenced where you are now and will, more than likely, influence how you move forward. Past experiences, if and when we let them, help move us toward new destinations – both literally and figuratively. Martin Burber got it right when he said, “It serves me well to remember that all journeys have a secret destination of which the traveler is unaware.”

Life lessons help prepare me for new journeys and destinations. They help me remember where I have been, what I have already learned and help prepare me to start each day looking for the opportunity that awaits me.

Happy New Year!

Copyright © 2011 Judith Bell

Six Letters

I love brain teasers. I like word mysteries, puzzles and 3-D and other optical illusions. More likely than not, I have to read the cheat sheet to be able to solve them, but I still enjoy the challenge. Here are a couple of my favorites.

“A cab driver is going the wrong way down a one way street. Two policemen see him but don’t stop him. Why?  Or: “In the following line of letters, cross out six letters so that the remaining letters, without altering their sequence, will spell a familiar English word.”

Believe it or not there is reason to my seemingly unrelated thought processes. I was cleaning off my desk when I found my folder of icebreakers. The cross out six letters brain teaser was on top and it made me think about crossing Christ out of Christmas, therefore shortening it to Xmas. It just so happened that on the same day, yahoo.com ran a story about the origins of using “X” to replace Christ in Christmas -- therefore the jump from brain teasers to Christmas.

Admittedly I am one of those who cringe when I see “Xmas.” Not ever having taken Greek, I had not, until after reading the article, made the connection that our “X” is the Greek ‘chi’ which, when combined with ‘rho’ symbolizes Christ. Below is the article from connectamarillo.com.

“In the first story, we look at the abbreviation commonly referred to as Xmas. How did the word Christ come to be replaced by the letter “X”? Turns out it goes back to the very beginnings of Christianity. “Using the symbol “X” for Christ is a tradition that dates far back into the history of Christianity and into the first few centuries. That’s because our letter “X” is identical to the Greek letter ‘chi,” which is the first letter for Christos in Greek, and so early Christians many times would see the letter “X” or combine that with the letter ‘rho’ in Greek to symbolize Christ,” says Father Robert Busch, PhD, Amarillo Diocese Schools Director. Xmas therefore means, “Christ’s Mass,” so in many ways, the “X” stands for Christ. But some people unaware of the Greek origin of this “X” often mistakenly interpret the Xmas as an informal shortening pronounced (eks-mas). Many therefore frown upon the term Xmas because it seems to them a commercial convenience that omits Christ from Christmas. It’s also important to note that it is a written abbreviation, and should not be pronounced “X”mas, but instead as “Christmas.” Another interesting fact, in olden times when paper and ink were precious commodities, the “X” was used to save space when printing.” (connectamarillo.com))

A little Greek goes a long way but I suspect that most of us, even after a brief lesson in word origin, still prefer to see Christ in Christmas; after all, He is the reason for the season.

Copyright © 2010 Judith Bell

P.S. Let me know if you can’t figure out why the cabbie wasn’t stopped.

Evil Momma

They finally did it! They pushed me too far. They have to learn that “every choice has a consequence.” They of course are those young men living in my house.


I’ve been on a tear for the last two weeks. It all started with a sink full of dirty dishes. I thought I could wait them out. I was wrong. The same dishes sat in the sink Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I was patient. I asked repeatedly who left the dishes in the sink only to learn that a fourth person going by the name, “I don’t know”, had moved in without me knowing about it.

I didn’t get mad. I didn’t threaten certain death if they weren’t washed and put away. I did decide there were consequences. Friday morning I got up, cleaned out the gun closet and outside freezer and put all the dishes, glasses, pots, pans, forks, spoons, bowls, knives and cooking utensils in one or the other. I locked the doors and hid the keys. I left paper plates, plastic cups, plastic forks and spoons, one cookie sheet, one small pot, one small pan, a wooden spoon and a spatula. I figured they had everything they needed to survive. Yup, every choice has a consequence.

Needless to say they are not very happy right now. Lee got mad and wouldn’t talk to me. David asked if he had to wash the paper plates. Reid left challenging messages on yellow sticky notes in the cabinet and refrigerator. The one in the cabinet read “Bring it on big dawg” and the one in the refrigerator read “Evil momma is back.”

Of all the notes that he left, the most meaningful was “Evil momma is back.” During their elementary years, while other mom’s were referred to as Ryan’s mom or Mrs. Dee Dee, Reid and all of his friends called me “Evil Momma.” Evil Momma was special; it set me apart from the other moms; and let me say, that was a name I wore with honor. There was something about that label that let me know that somewhere along the way I had done what I was supposed to do. It set me apart from the other moms.

The name Evil Momma means something and so does Christmas; “…She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means “God is with us.” (Matthew 1:23)

Copyright © 2010 Judith Bell