It all started over a baseball cap; a nasty, stinky ball cap. Never mind that Lee, Reid and David all wear one another’s shirts, shoes, socks and jackets. Someone is always looking for some article of clothing that someone has worn and is now dirty or has been worn and left at some forgotten location.
The cap is Lee’s but, he hadn’t worn it in weeks. Reid found it, ran it through the dishwasher and started wearing it. Naturally, that meant that Lee “had been looking for it.” The altercation on Monday afternoon was two brothers arguing. Tuesday morning - Lee started looking for the hat. Reid had put in on the chair in the computer room without telling Lee. Lee, not knowing that Reid had given up the hat, goes upstairs to get it. Before Reid could tell Lee where the hat was, words were exchanged. Then, more words were exchanged. Bad words were exchanged. Raised voices turned to shouting and yelling. Let me just say; two angry alpha males in one house ain’t pretty.
I decided to stay out of it. My reasoning - they were old enough the work it out themselves. At least I thought they were. I sorely misjudged the depth of their anger. When I walked into the foyer, Lee was yelling at Reid to come downstairs and he would kick his butt (that part has been edited). Reid was at the top of the stairs yelling he wasn’t stupid and he wasn’t going to give in to Lee’s bullying. I’ll say that was one of the few smart decisions he has made in a while since Lee is about six inches taller and 60 pounds heavier than Reid. Before I could say anything to either of them, Lee drew back and punched the wall. I was even more stunned than before. I just looked at him and before I could utter a word, he said, “I’ll fix it.” The only thing I could think of to say was; “You think?”
I worried all day. They had said some nasty and hurtful things to one another. I called to check on both of them at different times. Each one said they were ok. But, being the worrier I am, I didn’t really believe either of them. It’s been said; “the heaviest thing to carry is a grudge” and I was certain that the angry interaction between Lee and Reid would have long lasting implications on their relationship. So, imagine my surprise, when at 4 o’clock, I learned that Reid and Lee are hanging out together. Really? Hours earlier the atmosphere had been “an eye for an eye” rather than “turn the other cheek.”
I asked Reid about it when he got home that night. He looked at me, smiled and said; “Mom, it’s a guy thing; we don’t hold grudges.” I’m pretty sure that I looked at him like he had two heads; those words came from the same person who, 12 hours earlier, was so mad that he was visibly shaking.
I watched as the words of Mahatma Gandhi came to life last Tuesday; “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Lee and Reid had more strength than I gave them credit for having. I’m glad I didn’t interfere because doing so would have deprived them of the opportunity to experience the freedom of forgiveness. It serves us well to quickly let go of past hurts so we are more available to experience the joy of the present.
Copyright © 2011 Judith Bell
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